Till death do we part
It was a bright sunny afternoon out there. Tree leaves next to a distant house were bathing in the glitters of the late afternoon sun. I sat down at my desk and started to scan through all new incoming mails. There is one from As.“Dear Wendy,
F has taken the selfish decision to leave me and the children. Is a long story, I will talk to you when I see you”
What do you mean by leaving you and the children? Where and who is F leaving to? How is H their eldest 10 years old daughter going to understand this about what goes on between her parents? Thousand of thoughts tear through my head. Sense of disbelief and helplessness choked me. I dialled the number of their house. If I could travel through space to Belgium where A and F live, the phone on the teak wood table in the study would be ringing frantically. It was the teak wood table they brought from Malaysia 4 years ago. An answering machine came on with the recorded voice of A. She was not at home but where could she be at 11 in the morning in Belgium?
“Please pick up your phone”, I whispered nervously while counting impatiently the dreaded ringing of her mobile phone. Everywhere was silent except the irritating and monotonous ring tones. When I was just about to give up, she answered. There was not a second wasted before I posed the cruellest question, which I only realized later. “A, I got your email. What do mean by leaving?” Even though we are separated across 1000 km away, I could sense the pain and anger in her voice. “It means what it means, Wendy”.
I froze. Instantly I felt like a door slammed right in my face. F has walked out on his family. F is one the most brilliant and capable man I have ever met in my life. He is the CEO of a great multinational consulting firm and my mentor during the founding years of my career. Under his leadership, the company grew from strength to strength and no one has achieved so much under such a short time.
“There is no third party. He just cannot feel anything any more”, the pain in A’s voice made me realized that this break up has completely devastated her. “He said he felt numb all this while. He wants to take a break to be by himself and to think of what to do next”. F and A were childhood sweethearts. He a brilliant graduate from one of the most prestigious universities but she was just a high school graduate and worked as a secretary. Their education background has been different but she has managed to put together a lovely home with three beautiful children. She is kind and funny and her warmth and hospitality makes everyone around her feeling instantly at ease and cared for. Her character is a stark contrast to F who is sharp, smart and decisive. Every one of us has thought that this is the most perfect couple on earth.
“He has no right to make this decision. It is not just him that he is deciding for. He is affecting the lives of the children and mine.” A is right. The reality in a divorce is that there is no way to turn back the clock. The marriage between two persons is a commitment to the journey together, in sickness or in health, and in heaven or in hell, and till death do they part. What was said in front of the pastor sounded like the flash back of a black and white movie, hardly real and was almost mocking.
It is sorry to see how they have grown apart despite staying together through thick and thin and having three children. But what saddens me is that what feeling was he looking for. Or was it more accurate that he has lost the ability to connect with his role of a husband and a father despite being such a successful leader? Has he been so hardened by the corporate world that he has not allowed himself to feel love?
F has made the inevitable decision of a break up and to distant himself from his family. I pray for my mentor he soon will realize that he has not lost his heart. He just need to exercise his emotion muscles because he has stopped using it for too long. Hopefully this will all come in not too distant future. For only with the ability to experience, all the creations in his life make sense. Otherwise it will just be black and white, safe and objective but with no passion and regrets. He deserves more than this. His family deserves more than this.
posted by Vegie @ 5:54 PM
3 Comments:
Mid life crisis lah
OK, here's what I wanted to say --Breakups are life changing and often trumatic. Sad as the situation is, for now for Astrid & Fred it ain't broken yet. Do be with them to support their decision making. If it is through Astrid, do provide your ears and viewpoints to allow her get her bearing. I wish you patience and compassion, but in the end, the decision is theirs. I went through supporting a close couple recently but they went through a formal divorce, anyway. I wanted them to see through what they needed to do to re-create, so I wish your friends want to re-create.
这是书签上的一句话：有时候 不是谁抛弃谁，或者是谁背叛了谁， 而是时候到了，自然分离。
消极一点， 可以说：缘分尽了。
Cheerio
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